How To Have A Satisfying Marriage

One of the most integral factors in couples' mental health and emotional stability in a long-term romantic relationship is a satisfying marriage, also referred to as marital satisfaction. Marital satisfaction is a state where each individual within the relationship feels satisfied with each other and their marriage. This state of satisfaction occurs after the subjective evaluation of the quality of the relationship and involves feelings of happiness, fulfillment and contentment within the marriage. At its core, marital satisfaction is influenced by intimacy, communication, conflict resolution, and the values individuals share within the relationship. Therefore, differentiation and integration in a relationship are critical for individuals' satisfaction with their partner and relationship. Here's why!

Differentiation

As it relates to marriage, differentiation refers to each partner's ability to maintain a strong sense of self, with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs, while still being deeply connected to their partner. Individuals who are differentiated can maintain their individuality.

Maintaining individuality means that individuals within the relationship can express their opinions and desires without feeling pressured to conform to their partner's expectations. Differentiation also means that a person can maintain healthy boundaries with each partner, pursuing their own interests in life while still feeling connected to the relationship. Finally, well-differentiated individuals are better equipped to deal with conflicts when they arise, as they are capable of expressing their needs without being sensitive and reactive.

Integration

While differentiation refers to each partner's ability to maintain a strong sense of self, integration is the process of merging different aspects of each individual's life and identity to create a unified couple dynamic, where each person's needs are being met as well as those of the relationship. In other words, integration is about finding a healthy balance between being yourself and being "We" and "Us" in the relationship. 

In a well-integrated relationship, individuals have shared values and goals. Shared values and goals mean that the individuals align on essential life values, goals, and priorities as a couple. Also, emotional intimacy is high in well-integrated relationships. Emotionally intimate relationships involve sharing vulnerabilities, experiences, and feelings with your partner, further deepening your emotional connection. Finally, in well-integrated relationships, there exists mutual support. The mutual support that each shares in the relationship involves actively supporting each other's dreams and aspirations and working together as a team. 

Why both are important

Both differentiation and integration are essential because they create a stronger relationship. Also, a healthy balance between differentiation and integration is vital for a fulfilling marriage, as it allows partners to be themselves and be deeply connected. Hence, improving marital satisfaction through integration and differentiation means finding a balance between feeling deeply connected and close to your spouse (integration) while still maintaining a strong sense of self and individual identity (differentiation), allowing for each person to be both "in" the relationship and "outside" of it when needed, fostering greater intimacy and stability in the marriage.