Friends With Benefits
February 21, 2014
“Are there disadvantages in a friends with benefits relationship?” Recently I was asked this intriguing question by a gentleman who was in the process of writing an article for a University magazine. This question is an age-old one and maybe you would also like to know if having a “sex buddy” is ever a wise idea.
Friends with benefits (sex buddies) relationships, are becoming increasingly popular as individuals engage in this “no-strings attach” affair. This kind of relationship occurs among all age groups, but is prevalent among university students and is common among people in their 20’s. One research done among students at Michigan State University suggests that over 50 percent of students were involved in this kind of relationship at least once.
I read an article recently that likens sex with benefits relationship, to having a party without the added responsibility of doing the clean-up. It’s having your cake and eating it. It’s having sex with no strings attached. But seriously now, can you really have sex without strings attached? I don’t think so. Here are three reasons I think having a “sex buddy” is a bad idea.
When people have sex with their friend, fidelity is not demanded from the other person. Since there is no commitment, you can also explore other options with other friends and most times this is while having unprotected sex. This opens up a direct route for the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
Humans have a tendency to become jealous and possessive when sex gets involve. As I mentioned in a previous post (Nurturing Intimacy in Your Relationship), “when you touch, the bonding chemical oxytocin gets activated, bringing you closer to each other.” So emotional involvement and attachment is an inevitability when sex gets involve, whether you desire it or not.
Can Destroy Your Friendship
Since the friends with benefits arrangement isn’t tied to a commitment to your “sex buddy,” being left alone without warning is always a possibility. Even though “being left alone” may seem paradoxical, since you were not hitched in the first place, the emotional involvement that developed from you seeing each other naked, can make you feel awkward and heart broken when you see your friend with someone else.
Friends with benefits is therefore a complex and complicated emotional experience, since having sex is an emotionally charged activity, that sooner or later creates connection between two people.